Richard Osman’s House of Games – S03E84 (20 Feb 2020)


Hello, everybody, welcome back to
House Of Games, I’m Richard Osman. What a week we’re having.
It is super close between our four famous faces
this week. Super close. One of them tomorrow is going
to walk away with a trophy, it could be any one of them.
And who are they? They are Gareth Malone… ..Jamelia, Paul Martin, and Susan Calman. It really has been super close
this week, Gareth. Very, very tense. Hasn’t it? Susan’s won two, you’ve won one, it’s always been, like,
a couple of points in it. Yep. I think from today and tomorrow we
probably have to stop the laughs and just really get down
to business. I think so. Yeah, I think you’re right.
We haven’t taken it… I don’t think we’ve been nearly
competitive enough, have we, Susan? No. I don’t think you’re taking it
seriously enough. Yeah. They are taking it quite seriously.
I think they are. I think you are. Yeah. Jamelia. Yes. Shall we take a little
look at the weekly leaderboard as it stands? Let’s do that.
Let’s do that. So Gareth and Susan
have won the shows so far, but the leaderboard
is still pretty close. Susan’s up the top with her two
wins, she’s got 11. Then Gareth has 9.
Jamelia, you have 8. Paul down the bottom there at 4. Jamelia, it would be lovely to see
you win a day. I’ve got my trainers on today because Paul put trainers on
yesterday and he was blazing. You guys were wearing trainers
and you were on fire. So I’m like, “Maybe that’s
what it is.” Ah. Paul, how lovely to have you back. Now the first couple of days you
were feeling your way into it. It was poor, Richard. Come on,
say it as it is. It was dreadful. OK, first couple of days,
it was poor. Yes. Yesterday, I would say poor to
middling. It was OK, wasn’t it? Yeah. I’ve smartened up. Look,
I’ve got a suit on. Yeah, you have. Sharpening up, sharpen up my act. It’s amazing. We’ll get some
British geography up here and you’ll destroy everybody. Susan. Yes.
What a week you’re having. You won a smoking jacket
on Monday. Yes. Yesterday… Tool box. ..you won
the House Of Games tool box. I mean, it really is the
lesbian Christmas wish list that I am working my way through. You know what? That was the
alternate title to this show. Listen,
it’s been super close all week. It’s been terrific
performances as well. We’ve got two days to go. Someone’s
going to win the trophy. Someone
is also going to win a daily prize. Let’s take a look at
today’s daily prizes. Have a little pick from these.
There’s the onesie, there. The fondue set! Wash bag, alarm clock, memory
stick and yeah, the fondue set. Gareth, what would you go for? The onesie is extremely
tempting. Yeah. Is it in your size, though, Richard? No, it’s one size fits all,
apart from me, or Susan. Essentially, it’s one size
fits Paul, Jamelia or Gareth. Shall we get on and play? Yeah. Who’s going to win Thursday’s House
Of Games? Our first game is: I’m going to ask you some questions.
Fingers on buzzers. If you buzz in, you have to give me
the answer in the past tense. OK. Ah. OK.
Your first question is: BUZZER
Yes, Susan. Splashed. Is that right? Splash becomes Splashed.
Well done. That’s how you do it. Splash in the past tense
is Splashed. Well done. A strong start for Susan.
Next question. Who is this? BUZZER
Jamelia. Ellen Paged? Is it? Oh, that’s exactly
what it is! Well done! Ellen Page becomes Ellen Paged. Well done if you said that at home.
Next question. BUZZER
That is Gareth. He… There… There? Is incorrect, I’m afraid. BUZZER
Susan. Heard, heard.
Is the right answer, well done. From hear, hear.
Here’s your next question. BUZZER
Yes, that is Susan. I’m just going to work out
exactly how to do this. It’s Some Liked It Hot? Is that the right answer? Some Liked It Hot, well done. Some Like It Hot. Next question. What is the title of this song? Oh. # It’s up to you boy
you’re driving me crazy… # BUZZER
Yes, that is Susan. Road Raged. Is it Road Raged? It is, Catatonia. Well done.
Road Rage becomes Road Raged. Next question. BUZZER
That is Jamelia. Hm… Sorry! Batmanned? What? Bat…? No! No. It can’t be! I’m so sorry. I think we’re going to have
ourselves a buzzer race here. It’s not Batmanned, I’m afraid.
But what is it? BUZZER
Susan. Batman Began. Is it Batman Began? It is.
Batman Begins becomes Batman Began. Well done. And your final
question in this round is: BUZZER
That is Jamelia. Maternity left. Is the right answer. Maternity left. Well done. Very good first round for Susan
there. She’s won two already. Is she going to win three? Let’s
take a look at the leaderboard, one round in. Paul and Gareth, you have zero.
Jamelia, you have two. Three-point lead, Susan Calman
with five points. Well played. Well done. You made that look easy. It was tough. Next round is: This is a pairs round. The person in last place
gets to choose their partner. Paul and Gareth, you are both
in last place, but Gareth, you chose yesterday, so, Paul, you’ve
had the same partner all week. Are you going to mix it up? Are you
going to change seats? Jamelia.
You’re going to play with Jamelia? OK, so, Gareth and Paul,
if you’ll swap places, please.
Come on, mate. Gareth and Susan play Jamelia
and Paul. Now, tablets out, please. Tablets out.
This is played on the tablet. OK. I’m going to ask you all a question.
You need to write down the answer. I’m then going to take the
average of each pairs’ answer
as their answer. OK. OK, so, if you’re horribly wrong,
so long as you’re both horribly wrong in different directions,
you’re the perfect team. OK. That’s a pretty good game.
Yeah, it is good. Um, best of luck at home as well.
See if you can beat our teams here. Here is your first question. That means anyone who has not
used the internet in the last three months, or ever. OK. OK. So, 2018. So, yeah,
how many UK adults are there and then how
many of those are offline? What do you reckon at home to this
one? It’s a tricky one, isn’t it? Paul, what are you saying?
How many UK adults? 20 million. 20 million? Wow!
Have not been online, like, ever?! OK. Oh, my goodness!
Jamelia, what are you saying? Hopefully, by law of averages, we’re going to average out
cos I’ve got 753,423. That is going to make working
out the averages so easy for us.
Thanks, Jamelia. Of course! So you’re taking us down quite
a lot, there. 753-odd thousand. Yeah. Against 20 million.
Oh, God! I’ve taken it way down. Ten million is your… Ten million
and a bit, say Jamelia and Paul. Gareth.
OK, well, I’ve gone for, I think,
a fairly conservative six million. What was your workings out? I was just thinking about
how many people over 80, 90, 85 there might be? And then luddites. Yeah. And I worked out
that would be six million. Lovely. Susan,
up or down from Gareth? I was going slightly conservative,
but three million. Right, let’s take
a look at your average, then. 4.5 plays ten million,
what do you think at home? Are you close to one of those? How many UK adults were
internet non-users in 2018 and which team has got the point? Oh! 5.3 million. Very nicely done.
That’s not bad. Very nicely done. So that’s about one in ten
of the adult population have never been online or haven’t
been for the last three months. That seems fair enough. Yeah.
I can see that. Well played, Gareth and Susan. Two good answers and an even better
average. Here’s your next question. We’ve got this one, Paul.
Oh, yeah. You can do this. Don’t try this at home. Are you…? I’m trying to work out. I’ll give you 60 seconds
just to keep doing that. Everyone in? Mm-hm.
Gareth, what are you saying? Well, on the basis of my careful
working it out, the trajectory of the marshmallow
up to the mouth, the chewing, the whole thing, I’m going… But then stuffing them…
Eating them and swallowing them. 58.
58, says Gareth. Are you going up
or down from that, Susan? Knowing what
I know about competitive eating, Richard, which is an astonishing
amount, you have to consume completely the marshmallows
before you have another one and it becomes more difficult as you
go on, so I’ve said 20, because actually, the longer you go, you can’t eat one
marshmallow per second. Really? That’s not possible. Well, I know what we’re doing
after the show and I know
what you’re doing as well. I may be completely wrong.
That was my reasoning for going low. Let’s take a little
look at your average. It is 39 marshmallows in a minute.
Paul. I’ve gone for 75 cos I think there’s
some greedy people out there that could really binge eat those. So, 1.25 a second there. Jamelia.
Yeah. What are you saying? So I’m kind of more in
Susan’s school of thinking. I think that deceptively, they’re
hard to eat, kind of like crackers. I think crackers, it’s like three. Gotcha. So, your average,
Paul and Jamelia, is: Oh, my goodness! So 55.5 plays 39.
What do you think at home? What are you going for?
They might just get this. Let’s find out. Who has won
the point? What is the record? ALL: Oh! How about that? 25! Gareth and Susan. Anthony Falzon
of Malta, who got that record. I tell you the problem
with that number, everybody at home is now thinking,
“Oh, I could beat that.” Yeah! They’re all going to give it a go,
aren’t they? That’s another point to
Gareth and Susan. Well done. Last question in this round. The total length in miles
of motorways in Great Britain. So, like, if you laid them like…
Yeah, end to end. End to end. What do you think at home?
How many miles of motorway are there
in Great Britain? Jamelia. Oh, no! Oh, no! I… I just feel like I’m trying to
make sure we get an average. OK. So… This’ll be interesting. Oh, I feel like…
Yeah, I’ve put 100,000 miles. 100,000 miles of motorway. Just because I feel like Paul’s
going to go extreme, like millions. No, I’ve gone really cautiously.
Oh, really? So you’ve got 100,000. That’s roughly four
times around the Earth. But, listen, sometimes
when you’re on the M1, it goes on and on and on,
doesn’t it? Let me just… Can I just say
what I was thinking? Yes? I just thought because Paul does
so much travelling around the UK, he’s going to think that it’s
millions, so I’m going to bring it
down, but now… You’re bringing it down?!
Yeah, now, I’m like way off! Paul, what do you think? Are you
anywhere near 100,000? No, 3,500. 3,500, says Paul. I’m sorry! That is some difference. Yeah. The good news is your average is
probably only going to be about twice round the world.
Yeah, OK. Your average is: Oh, no! I’m sorry, Paul.
Gareth, what do you think? Well, I thought, well,
it’s about 1,000 miles, the length of the island, roughly. And then, there’s arms and legs. 5,000. 5,000. And Susan?
Up or down from that? Tactically the same reasoning,
in terms of the length, so 4,500. 4,500. Birds of a feather, there. 4,750 is your average, so, I mean…
It’s a no-brainer. My job in this circumstance,
Jamelia, is to build the tension. OK! How are you going to do that?
Inject jeopardy into the thing. But you know, like, with
capillaries in the body, you know, there’s like… Exactly.
They go for miles and miles. Exactly. So, perhaps motorways are
like that. Perhaps they do stretch
twice around the world. You never know. You just don’t know.
Let’s find out, shall we? What do you think at home? Where
are you? Is it 51,000? Is it 4,750? Well done! So, Paul, you were the closest,
but… I’m sorry. You were just… To be fair,
Jamelia, you were only about
97,500 miles out. I did a little car for you. I put 3,000 to start with.
Oh, you’d have been very close. Very well done if you got anywhere
close to that one at home.
Nicely done. Tablets away, please. And, Gareth and Paul, if you would
swap back places, please. I’m sorry. That’s all right.
We didn’t make a winning team! Hi! Hi! Hello again. Shall we take a little
look at the scores? The scores after round two are: Paul, back to the good old days,
earlier in the week, still to get off the mark.
Jamelia, you have two. Gareth, you have three. Susan,
five-point lead, with eight points. Wicked! So, it’s been super close all week,
but not so close today. Can anybody catch Susan Calman?
Let’s play round three, shall we? It is: What I’m going to do in this,
I will give you some categories. I will then give you some clues, OK? These are not only
clues to the answer, they also have the same
initials as the answer, OK? So the clue will lead
you to the answer, but it will also have the same
initials as that answer, OK? OK. Eh?! Eh?! Here is your first category. So, all the answers
are Steven Spielberg films. The clues have the same initials as
the answer. Here’s your first clue. BUZZER
Susan. Jurassic Park. Is it? Jurassic Park. Next Steven Spielberg film. BUZZER
Yes, that is Gareth. Raiders Of The Lost Ark.
Well done. Yeah. They’re good clues, aren’t they? Yeah. Yeah, good. Wicked. Your next category is: I’m looking forward to
the clues here. BUZZER
Yes, that is Gareth. Margaret Thatcher. Is that right? Margaret Thatcher, well done. Next Prime Minister. BUZZER
Yes, Gareth. David Cameron. David Cameron. I love these clues. Yeah. Did other stuff, but he definitely
did a coalition. Yeah, he did.
Yeah, yeah. Next UK Prime Minister. BUZZER
Susan. Neville Chamberlain. Is that right? Neville Chamberlain is the answer,
well done. That’s who he took over from. Next category: Oh, right, OK. OK, good luck, all. Strap in. Here is your first clue. BUZZER
Gareth. Troilus and Cressida. Is that right? Troilus and Cressida, well done. Well done. Next play. BUZZER
OK, come on. Jamelia. Romeo and Juliet.
Romeo and Juliet, well done. Final Shakespeare play,
final question of the round. BUZZER Yes, Jamelia. A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Is right! Well done! Well done! Thank you. That is the end of that round.
Good finish for Jamelia. Wow! Good start for Susan. Right, let’s take
a look at the scores, shall we? Paul, yet to get off the mark.
How embarrassing! Jamelia, you have four.
Gareth, you have seven. Susan, the lead is cut,
still a big lead though, ten points for Susan Calman. Our fourth round today is: Tablets out, please. Thank you. I’m going to show you
a series of pictures, I’m going to then ask you to
put your finger on an answer. OK? Here is your first picture. So, that’s your first picture.
Mm-hm. And I want you to put your finger
on, please, the flag of Cuba. What do you reckon at home? Point to the television screen.
Which of those is the flag of Cuba? Anyone been to Cuba? I have. I hear it’s lovely.
Is it lovely? It was gorgeous.
The food was delicious. What was the flag like?
I’ve no idea! Gareth, can you tell us
where you pointed? Well, I was confident
that it had a star. I know that Israel’s in the middle. And I think it’s red,
white and blue. But now I’m confused. It’s either…
I went for this one. You’ve gone that one.
OK. Jamelia. Now, I thought the same as Gareth,
but for some reason, I feel like that’s another
South American flag. OK. Yeah, so, I went for the other
one, which was the opposite colours. Gotcha. Yeah. It might be that one.
Paul, where have you gone? I went for star as well, second
one from the top, the red and green. The red and green one, there.
And, Susan, where have you gone? Exactly the same one as Paul. For some reason, I thought
that it was that one. OK. In the same place.
Well, what do you think at home? I’ll tell you, Paul and Susan,
that’s Burkina Faso you’re on there. Well, close. And I will tell you,
Gareth and Jamelia, that one of you is on Cuba
and one of you is on Puerto Rico. Ah! Oh! OK? The flag of Cuba is: Jamelia…
Jamelia, well done, darling! No way! I mean, you HAVE been there. Yeah. With respect.
Right, here’s your next picture. There is your picture. Oh, no. Could you put your finger on,
please: Oh, man! They’re all Baldwins. They are, aren’t they? That is quite a boyband. Isn’t it, just? Lovely, everyone is in.
What do we think at home? Which Baldwin are you going for? I can rule a couple out, I think. Jamelia, who have you gone
for and why? Well, I know one of them
is called Alec. Yeah.
And I think it’s the young one. OK. So I didn’t go for him. Excellent.
So, who have you gone for? But I think I’ve
gone for Alec for some reason now. But I hope his name is William.
There you go. Well, I won’t give away the answer,
but that is the one that I know. Oh, is it? Oh, no! Listen, what if the one
I know is William Baldwin? Oh, yeah. Yeah, could be. Yeah, that’s true. Paul, who have you gone for?
Same guy. Same guy. There we go. Strength in numbers. Yeah.
Susan, who have you gone for? Well, there’s Alec
and there’s Stephen and there’s Billy Baldwin,
he’s more known as. Oh, wow!
So, I went for the one on the right. OK. Gareth, who have you gone with? I know which one Alec is
and the other two on the left, I feel, are definitely actors
that I’ve seen. I’ve gone for
the little short fellow. OK. Jamelia and Paul,
that’s Alec Baldwin. It is Alec, oh! OK. Gareth, that’s Stephen Baldwin. Ah! Susan. Billy Baldwin’s
the one none of us have gone for. You’ve gone for the one on the end
and that is… ..Daniel Baldwin. William Baldwin is the only one
we didn’t go for. I’m closest! No! No! Average Baldwin!
Geographically, in the picture. Welcome back to Average Baldwin,
your winner… Statistically, very unlikely that we
all avoided William Baldwin. I know. Billy Baldwin, well done if you said
him. Congratulations. Wow! Well done. Next picture. Oh, no! Oh, come on! Listen, whatever we’re asking for
now, I wouldn’t be able to get this. Please put your finger on: I mean, just say what it is!
It’d still be difficult. I was really confident
until the question! Oh, really? Yeah. I can’t even…
I don’t know the lyric in the song. Got it. Locked in. OK, everyone in?
What do you think at home? Paul, what did you think
the answer was? Thyme? The one at the bottom in the middle.
And you think thyme
is…? There we go. Susan, what did you think the answer
was? Exactly the same as that. As far as I know, the last time
I used thyme, it looked exactly like… Exactly the same one.
And you think that as well. Gareth. I’ve gone for the same
one in the middle.
You’ve gone for the same one. Thyme. And Jamelia.
I’m feeling really good now because even though I don’t know
the song, I just thought, if I was writing a song,
what herb would I use that would, you know, be able to rhyme with
lots of words and it was thyme. Wow, rhyme thyme. There we go. There we go. So, Jamelia is in the
same place. Is thyme on your side? Let’s see. It is. Very well done. Yay! What a lovely end to the round.
Congratulations, all. Yes! A point!
Oh, yeah! A point, there we go. Well done. Tablets away, please. One round to
go on Thursday’s House Of Games. Susan Calman’s won two episodes.
Gareth Malone has won one. Who’s going to win today? We have one round to go
and here’s how the scores look. Susan still with that three-point
lead, 11 to eight. Jamelia, you have six,
Paul, you have one. Let’s take a look at our final
round. We know what it is. You can see what it is already
cos they’re all leaning forward, fingers on their buzzers.
It is, of course: Susan’s three-point lead
is a good lead, but not an impossible lead
to catch up on. Point for a correct answer,
point off for an incorrect answer. Here we go. Smash these two
answers together, please. Your first category is: Those will be the pictures.
There’ll be clues underneath. Very best of luck, everybody. BUZZER
Yes, that is Susan. Roast lambulance.
Roast lambulance? Correct, point for Susan.
Very well done. Roast lamb and ambulance. Next Sunday lunch. BUZZER
Susan. Yorkshire Pudding Lane. Yorkshire Pudding Lane.
Well played, Susan. Nicely done. Yorkshire Pudding, Pudding Lane.
Next Sunday lunch. BUZZER
Yes, Susan? Stuffinger buffet. Is it stuffinger buffet? It is. Stuffinger buffet.
Stuffing and buffet. Well done. Your next category is: Oh, come on! This came a round too late.
A glimmer of hope! Here we go. Here are your composers
and your clues. BUZZER
Susan. Mozart Attack. Can’t believe
you didn’t get that, Gareth! It is Mozart Attack, well done. Mozart and Art Attack.
Terrible likeness. Terrible likeness, says Gareth. Terrible likeness! It’s one of
the first-ever selfies of Mozart. Very good. It’s got that…
You know, the filter you can put on where it
looks like you’re a pencil drawing. Next composer, next clue. BUZZER
Yes, Gareth? Beethoven… Beetho… I can’t take it, I’m
afraid. Beethoven and Orville. Not Beethoven and Orville!
BUZZER Beethoven and Orville!
Jamelia. Beethoventriloquist. Yeah, ventriloquism.
Beethoventriloquism. But Beethoventriloquist
perfectly acceptable. Beethoven and Orville! Last composer. BUZZER
Yes, Gareth. I just want to say that
I know that that is George Gershwin. And I don’t know…
No. I know it, I know it! BUZZER Jamelia. Gershwin, Lose or Draw. Gershwin, Lose or Draw. Well done! Thank you, thank you! Next category.
KLAXON I just…
I knew the game. We’re done. Shall we take a look at the
leaderboard? We know who’s won. It’s a third victory
of the week for Susan Calman. Well played, Susan. A big win as well. Big win.
Our first big win of the week. What prize would you like, Susan?
It was a terrific performance. There’s no question,
it has to be the fondue set. Fondue set. Susan Calman
wins a House Of Games fondue set. Very well done. Nicely played. So, let’s take a look at the weekly
leaderboard, shall we? One day to go. Friday, of course,
is Double Points Friday. Eight points for a win on Friday, six for second,
four for third, and so on. Susan’s taking a healthy lead into
that final day. Let’s take a look. Oh, wow! 15, very nicely done. That’s close. That’s close.
You could still be caught. You could still be caught. It’s going to be tough
though for Gareth and Jamelia. Paul, very much like myself,
may be a spectator tomorrow, but you get double the points,
which will be lovely. Brilliant. Thank you once again. Another great
show. Thank you. Thank you. It’s been great fun. Thank you. You know what? I’m
genuinely glad you’re enjoying it! Looking forward to the final.
See you here for the final tomorrow. We’ll see YOU here for the final
as well on the House Of Games. Oh, wow!

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